just a girl. standing in front of a reader. asking them to love me.
These “about” sections are really hard to write. It’s like too much pressure I can’t handle it.
<—That’s me. My husband and I are trying to start a family. We were college sweethearts 12 years go and are still best friends. The fertility gods were drunk the day he was born and well, here we are. A family of two. Still. It’s hard, really darn hard. (dard?) I drink A LOT. I’m drunk right now.
I have spent the last few years online in search of something I can relate to. A blog, a website, SOMETHING that speaks to me, and I just haven’t found the right thing.
I don’t want to read blogs called, “empty womb, open heart.” or “baby dreams unrealized.” This is not for me. And though I support those women in their grieving and coping process, I’m not as interested in reading entry after entry on all the dirty details of failed baby making. Those blogs never leave me feeling better or more hopeful about infertility. We think about that crap all the time! I want to laugh! Everything about infertility is hard, so why can’t we take a minute to step back and appreciate the humor in what we are going through? It could be one of those cool cliques where the ones who are in it make jokes about it, but when someone else tries, we just silently look around at each other and make them feel so stupid.
New to the beautiful state of Hawaii, I have found some much needed peace. My husband, who I refer to as “A,” was transferred here for work. It was perfect timing for us as our life at home was becoming a little empty and monotonous as we rotted away in baby purgatory. We decided to pack up and take a break. (I was running away) We miss our support system, but our support system also doesn’t really understand us at all, which made life a little hard. I truly believe I am finding myself out here and for that I am sorta grateful that things are going the way they are.
Now we spend our weekends playing in the ocean while our loser friends deal with cold, wet, whiny kids! (We’re from Seattle)
(GOD I WANT THAT SO BAD)
I am here to be honest. It might not always be pretty, but I want to say the things that we baby challenged are thinking. I will be ashamed of probably 90% of my thoughts for sure, but I want to try to give you some validation. because I couldn’t find that for a lot of years.
I hope you this is a place to relax, laugh and find some solidarity among a very exclusive group of fantastic people.