This crazy hard y’all!

Oh my gosh you guys. This. Is. INSANITY. I love this baby so much but, she is KICKING MY ASS!!! Not that I am not crazy in love with her, and so grateful, but I think because I had to wait so long, I was living in an ultimate fantasy world where my baby wouldn’t cry, nursing would be easy because it’s natural, and my husband and I would giggle and laugh whenever it got “hard” because we were just so GRATEFUL. And “our marriage is stronger.” I know you know all the good stuff. So I am about to drop some reality on you. gitty up.

I pee when I sneeze.

Something happens to you and I was and can still be so mean to my husband because I sometimes hate everything he does. I hate the way he talks to her (same as our dog), holds her (how can I hold her so she looks most like she will fall), feeds her (how can i feed her as lazy as possible so I can still use my iphone to look at sports blogs), dresses her (how roughly can I do this), pets her head (same as the dog) etc… It’s all wrong and I hate it all sometimes. anyone else? poor guy.

Good luck leaving your house before 2pm. just try.

Harlow was tongue tied. I spent two weeks trying to nurse a barracuda until we found out. My nipples were bleeding and I sobbed and punched the mattress when she latched on. Please get help from a board certified lactation consultant if you suspect nursing could be a better experience than if you were dropped into the bowels of Hell.

In the middle of the night you may tell your sweet baby to stop being a dick- or u. your head you might say, “shut up!” really mean and you will feel like the devil the next morning when she is cooing at you and reminding you what an innocent, helpless and incredible gift she is.

Your pets will become second class citizens and you will feel SUCH GUILT every time you lay your eyes on their sweet, bored faces as you run past them to find a barf rag. DO NOT GET A PET IF YOU ARE PREGNANT. Their needs make everything harder.

Sometimes you just have to yell, “FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!” and that’s okay.
Suddenly, you want your crazy, dead-starfish-collecting-mother-in-law to come over ALL OF THE DAYS.

Yeah, that!

Motherhood is no joke. Those who have twins- i can’t even. It IS amazing and I am so grateful everyday for the opportunity to raise this sweet girl. I feel badly that I can’t blog more and I know that as we get in more of a rhythm that that will get a little easier? And of course, my topic will shift more now that my experience is different… I have ideas for where I would want to go with this, but the infertility aspect would take more of a backseat. I think you would understand that as wouldn’t we all want to leave that hell behind if we could?

I have to go now. I have more to say, but my baby has shit on her onesie and we have our one month well-baby visit in less than an hour and I need to look more put together than a teen mom.

Still so worth it. keep fighting.



21 thoughts on “This crazy hard y’all!

  1. haha YEP! Those of us who struggled feel a ton of extra guilt for “complaining” but…um this shit IS HARD. So beautifully, gratefully hard. My second child screamed for her first two months. OH MY GOD. Makes you go batty – but day by day. It gets better and better and all the shit on the onesies and screaming, sleepless nights is because WE ARE MAMAS! Yay!

  2. Haha! So freaking true! I slept on the sofa for several weeks. For several reasons, primarilybaby related. But, iI did tell my husband that I might kill him if I spent many more nights next to him as he slept thru the every 2 hour feedings & screaming. Basicallytthe 1st 2-3 newborn weeks. OMG. It is HARD CORE!!!
    Now, at 15 weeks, we are getting into our groove & I am so thankful. But damn.

  3. Holy crap, I could have written this exact post, albeit less wittily :). My little girl is 8 weeks now and I promise it does get a little easier, weeks 5 to 6 were hardest for me and its starting to improve now. Of course it’s not that we’re not super happy and appreciative to have her, and I love her like crazy, but holy shit it’s hard on your sanity. There was a week period where I cried every day just thinking I’m not cut out for this, how do people survive it? My baby wouldn’t latch either, so I’ve been exclusively pumping, which makes life so much harder too. My husband does the lazy feeding so he can play on his phone too! The nipple is literally bent sideways in her mouth and he’s like, it’s fine!

    • Way harder than i thought!! And Yes- sideways nipple!! Ugh makes my blood boil! It’s like “did you forget how bad you wanted this???!!” LOOK AT HER WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER!!! Sometimes i wonder if it would be different if she was a boy. Thats bad but there i said it. Thanks for the validation!

    • Ahh! Why do they do that. My husband literally pats her on the head kinda rough. Like a dog. Yeah the pic- i tried to get this serene, darling one but i finally gave up and was like “what the hell- one month olds cry and can be dicky so here it is!”

  4. It is hard… really hard… but I promise, it does get easier! I think once they stop eating around the clock, and yeah, when they smile at you, it’s like a reward for your hard work. One month is tough. Two months is better. Three months is pretty awesome, so far.

    And as for the husband thing… yeah, I know. Eric was totally enamored with her for the first couple days and then he was like ehhhhh this is boring. It used to piss me off so much when he’d ignore her. We fought for three and a half years and now you won’t even acknowledge your daughter? OMG, the other day I was getting ready for work and I heard Molly cooing in the living room. I thought, oh, how sweet, Eric must be talking to her. Ha! I peeked around the corner only to find Molly, abandoned in her Rock N Play and talking to the wall while Eric held the DOG in his lap. True story.

    But I also hear this gets better… infants are boring, but the dads get more involved once they can start playing and interacting. So I look forward to that.

    She’s really freaking cute. You’re doing a great job, mama!

    • Oh my gosh thank you for the validation! I thought i was stuck with an idiot. I am still bummed considering how hard we fought- like you said, but hopefully he will step up as she gets more interactive. Hilarious but infuriating story about Eric and the dog!!

  5. Yes. This is my life. I have the demon voice inside my head too. The timing of everything is so crucial. Sometimes I can be out the door by 9am and other times I still haven’t brushed my teeth or gotten dressed by 5pm. Harlow is so cute, she reminds me of my Hazy 🙂

    • They are sorta twinsies! I think all babies look like harlow so i guess she does not have her own face yet. Hope the new house is good! Let’s try for greenlake if it gets sunny again. Depressing. Or downtown waterfront park. Thats my favorite.

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