Greetings from my own home! Wow, I cannot begin to express how nice it is to be in space that is just OURS and
we are I am running the show and making all the rules. Though my landlord Debera has decided to take it upon herself to be my new mother-in-law, which is big time no bueno. She is so sweet but she touches me a lot (close to my boobs to see if I have dropped) and wont stop commenting on my tummy. Literally. Each time I see her. I don’t know what to say anymore. Yes, I am pregnant. Yup, you can see my bump. It is starting to get a little irritating. She has no family. Even worse, she HAD a family and now she is divorced, one child died in a tragic plane crash and her daughter (who has a two month old she just found out the name of through friends) has rejected her. So, yeah I can’t really tell her to back the fuck off now, can I? No. Sorry for the swear. At least she lets me clean pet towels in the washer I rent from her. Bonus! But seriously, I kinda need her to back the f**k off. She was checking me for preeclampsia yesterday because she noticed my feet were swollen. Like bent over and started squeezing around my ankles and feet. Then she asked what my latest doctor appointment had revealed. None of her business. Totally inappropriate. The list goes on. This may be a really rough year. I really don’t want to have to have that talk.
I am less than two weeks from my due date. That is incredible to me. Maybe I should get a crib? I am overwhelmed by my fantasy of setting up my nursery and what my budget will actually allow me to do. So a lot of the time I walk in there, look around and make excuses as to why I can’t work and walk out. I am still in denial that I am actually having a baby, (thanks for that, 4 years of infertility!) so instead of reading books and buying things, I am trying to do things that I will never ever be able to do again in my life like wax my eyebrows, get my nails done and have coffee with girlfriends. I have been in Iphone 4 hell (yes that’s a thing) and decided to clear the dang space off my phone and join the rest of the world and finally upgrade to ios 7. Wow. That was exciting. Big day. I can’t believe you are still reading this horrible post.
Settling in with A is fun though sometimes we are just not on the same page. He hadn’t done really much to help get the place set up- though he gets credit for moving everything IN on his own! A couple nights ago he became possessed as I was settling down and getting sleepy. He decided it was a good time to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS. So he was moving stuff around and stuffing boxes in places that were not logical and I knew it was going to be bad. Whenever he gets the urge to clean, (about two times a year) I can never find anything again. Well, yesterday as I was opening the kitchen cabinets, guess where I found my little box of crafty washi tape? Nestled in a stack of glass pyrex bowls. Well why not??!! Then, I found my cute labeled mason jars of sharpies and pens in… you guessed it- the pantry! Where the heck ever else? THIS IS MADNESS.
In other big news, my 13 year old cat who hates my husband and who my husband hates, was recently shaved (Yes, every shaved pussy joke has been made already, you sickos) because A hates her hair. I think she is luscious and gorgeous. She is really long haired and super beautiful, but I agreed that it IS hot this summer, and with the baby coming, it would be nice to have a little less hair floating around the house. Fine. Whatever. So we shaved her. Well, now she won’t stop licking my arm! I’m not kidding, it’s all day! It’s an actual issue in my life right now! She is doing it this moment actually. We took all her hair away and she has nothing to groom, so she is grooming me! Do you know how much this hurts? Have you had a cat incessantly lick you in one place for days? Okay, here is how you will know- take heavy grit sandpaper and just rub it on one spot on your tender, precious skin for a good 5 minutes and then you will want TO KILL YOUSELF. She does this ALL DAY. I habe to literally run from her and hide in other rooms. Ugh, she sucks. I love her so much. This is the lamest blog post of all time?
So the real “go time” is upon us. We kick it into high gear now. Get all of the things prepared. All of them. We can do this. My stroller arrived yesterday. We went for the Uppababy Vista. I really wanted the Orbit for the last 4 years- I wanted THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING I COULD GET BECAUSE I DESERVED IT, but really, we just liked the way the Uppababy handles and it still makes me feel spoiled, so it’s good. Plus Kim K ruined it for me by having an Orbit. A really hated that. So anyway, the Uppababy rides like a dream. I can’t wait to set it up. I might stroll the kitty around the neighborhood while singing Mary Poppins songs, just to be a big, pregnant weirdo.
I don’t know if I mentioned that we are cloth diapering after the first month or so, so I will let those of you who are interested in it know how that is going. We used a Sh*t ton of research from my two cloth diapering sisters-in-law, so I didn’t have to do any of the work. We went with the Tot’s Bots All -in -One for a variety of reasons. If you are looking into it, research them because they are really great. They are expensive, but apparently they are worth it in the end. For now, we will start with Honest diapers. (I guess newborn cloth is not worth the expense and effort a lot of the time) I cannot believe how small the newborn honest diapers are. Amazing. I can’t wait to see her little tushie. Especially since that is the body part that gives me the most action from within. It’s like she is twerking all day! Better keep that to an in-utero activity because mama ‘aint having that on the outside!
Okay, here are some pics of my shower- it was really classy and beautiful. I can’t wait for those of you who are waiting to experience yours. It’s pretty awesome. I wanted to cry the whole time because I remember how sad I used to be thinking I would never experience it. Worth the wait. Great presents! I love presents so much. What’s the opposite of Santa? That’s me. I’m horrible.