11 weeks whaaaaa??

I am writing this while laundry goes, because my cat literally shit the bed last night.   The dog was whining at the little baby gate we have up dividing the cat’s dog-free living space from the rest of the house. Well, when I went into the bedroom to see what he could want in there, I saw that she had pooped on the bed.  Exactly where A’s pillow would normally be. He was whining for her poo.  He wanted the poo.  In his mouth.  I am so glad that A is in Seattle for work or he would have absolutely FLIPPED to see the cat he doesn’t like, had pooped where he rests his sweet head.  My pets are seriously preparing me for aspects of motherhood for sure. Today alone was poo, 2 barfs, and a drooley basset mouth that I have to wipe after each drink of water. Also, hair.

Anyway. Today, I am 11 weeks.!  I can’t believe it.  We are getting so close to completing the 1st trimester.  I was able to stop the Crinone last week, and let me tell you it wasn’t that bad, but I will not miss what I call, “Crinone Crumble.”  If you have been on the stuff then you know exactly what I am talking about.  “Crinone Crumble” is basically like feta cheese coming out of you.  It happened to me every few days when my body would just release the buildup up of these nightly suppositories. sick. I had sex once while on Crinone and I think that A was scarred.  He never actually told me that it happened, but I suspect he got crinone crumbled unbeknownst to me.  Between that and doing giney check whenever I feel anything oozing down there, I had been spending a lot of time with my hands in my pants.  I can’t even wait to get to the bathroom sometimes.  If I feel a rush of something, I need to know IMMEDIATELY that it is not my baby coming out of me or blood or anything scary, so I will do a finger check right away, I don’t even care where I am! I’m so gross. I’m like a chimpanzee or something. we all do it.

Currently, I am sipping on club soda with ice and a wedge of fresh lemon.  That works for me. I am enjoying that.  Also, string cheese.  I could eat 6 in one sitting.  I limit myself to 2. Cheese in general, has been tasty.  Vegetables are a serious turn off. Which makes me sad because I LOVE veggies!  Sorry baby, you are living on a diet of cheese.  Surprise, surprise. I like scrambled eggs, and fage greek yogurt. The kind with the honey on the side.  Last night I made a baked potato with guess what? Cheese.  and greek yogurt. I bought strawberries yesterday and they tasted like the nectar of the gods. Also, smuckers uncrustables. grape.

I usually eat so well!* gah!  whatever.  Everyone tells me it’s ok. so fine. At this point I can’t even imagine sitting down at a restaurant and having a longing to order a meal.  I fee like I will never eat like that again. But I know I will.  It will pass, and I am grateful for the discomfort.  It’s temporary and it’s for a good cause!

It is just me or do all stores have NO GOOD CLOTHES right now for people who are a little bit pregant?! I am in such trouble.  All of my clothes are feeling tight despite the fact that I really don’t have a bump at all.  I think I am just in that bloated stage.  A said that I looked a little chubby in a good way.  He then proceeded to tell me my boobs haven’t grown at all.  So I’m chubby with small boobs.  Cool!  Hopefully I can find some on trend elastic wasted pants made from velour (no?) soon because I am getting to the point of desperation. I want to wear cooler leggings with longer T’s and tops that cover my butt. NOT that are cropped.  Why is this so hard for me to find right now?  In Hawaii, all the stores have the same seasonal items that you all have. Meaning, when I go shopping right now it’s sweaters, coats, scarves and leather. No, Black leather leggings do not sound good to me as I bike in 82 degrees to my job where the A/C has been broken for over a month.  No, just no.

It’s getting exciting thinking we are approaching the time where we will tell family and close friends.  Only A’s parents and my mom know.  My mom hasn’t even told my step-dad.  She is an amazing secret keeper. I am so happy she is not one of those women who run their mouths and gossips about my life.  We have an appt at 12 weeks, 2 days next week and we will see how it goes.  As long as everything goes well, we will think about making some calls. No one knows we have been doing IVF. They will be shocked and that will be so fun.   I still feel like I am pretending. I haven’t even taken a “bump” picture yet! I would feel like such a faker!   I saw that baby last week though.  It was moving around a lot and the heartbeat was strong, so I know it’s not a hoax that everyone is in on except for me.   Though sometimes I do think mayyyyybe.

But I am brought back to reality as it is dinner time and I don’t really want to eat, so that’s how I know.  Usually I’m all “Whose up for some Taco Bell!?”

*I DO eat well, so stop judging after my Taco Bell comment. It’s my vice, so shove it up your chalupa.

 

9 week- food for thought

Well, I have made it to the 9 week mark! phew! Today is 9 weeks, one day to be exact. Morning sickness kicked in last week and when I mean kicked it, it hasn’t been too bad. I am having trouble mostly in the late afternoons and evenings actually, with dinner being a real pain in my ass. I just don’t want it. I am having the most trouble with proteins, so that has been tough to get enough of. I even ate Ramen last night for dinner which is basically the worst. A has kind of been this obnoxious diet nazi, watching and judging everything that I am eating. It’s not cute that he cares so much; it is just really annoying. I feel like I have a parent nagging at me. I think because I am not throwing up, he thinks that I am actually just being stubborn and unwilling to eat. I have thought about lying to him and telling him I threw up a couple of times so that he will back the F** off.

Right now we are in this exciting and scary place. It’s called we need to move across the ocean, get 2 new cars, a new house, a new job all before our NEW baby comes in August. Isn’t that so swell? I love it. It’s so fun to think about! (actually a little part of me is loving all the NEW stuff) I am also trying to decide where I will give birth. Will I want to be home or in a birthing enter or in a hospital that will let me call all the shots? I was born at home, so was A and all of our siblings. My friends have had wonderful birth experiences at home, and so this is not something that is weird to us. I am not a hippie at all, (though in college I basically was- now I am half way to becoming a Republican- ugh what happened??) but this is a very attractive option to me. However, my one little hiccup is that I have been afraid of childbirth my whole life. When we were in the midst of infertility, I had one small consolation, and that was that I may never have to go through childbirth. Listen, I know that teens with no support do it, wimps do it, yaddah yaddah. Yes all those things I know. It doesn’t change the fact that it is scary to me and always has been. I was thinking about buying some books on natural birth to ease some of that fear and came across this best seller. That’s a nice book cover.

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HOW THE FRICK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO QUELL MY FEARS!? LOOK AT HER FACE, JUST LOOKATIT!

Anyway, I should go eat another scrambled egg.

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

graduation day

Hi!! I have missed you guys!

Seriously!

Today is my first day without any guests in town since December 17th. Do you understand what I am saying? DECEMBER 17!!!!! I really am thinking that I am an introvert because I am drained and am really happy to have my lonely life back. That being said, it was really fun to have love and friendship for a couple of weeks. I have not left the island of Oahu in over a year and I am starting to lose social skills.

Okay so first thing: I have a canker sore that is ruining my life. I just want to be free from the pain. Do you know what I just did about 5 minutes ago before I hopped into bed to write this post? I fucking Sonicared it. I Sonicared my canker sore. I have never felt pain quite like that. I decided that this will be the best strategy for getting information out of terrorists. We develop a way to give them a mouthful of canker sores and then sit them down with their hands tied behind their backs and just sonicare the shit out of their canker sores. They would tell you anything you want to know- trust me.

Today was my 8 week ultrasound! My big graduation day from the clinic. It was actually pretty disappointing and anticlimactic. The doctor and nurses were insanely busy at it was the day after New Years Day and they were booked solid. The doctor did my ultrasound- we heard a nice, strong heartbeat of 180 and saw little arms and legs. It was awesome. Everything looks good and the baby is measuring exactly what I am- 8 weeks and 1 day. And then they had to move on so fast that they were gone just like that. Dr. F gave me a hug and congratulated me- a little awkward as I had no pants on and had a tiny paper sheet across my lap. My nurse did the same- gave me a hug, barely making eye contact and I could see her eyes were red and welling up a bit and then they left the room. and that was it. I would just get dressed and we would walk outta there. A and I were kinda were baffled to be honest. And then we both started crying like a couple of pansies. It was a big deal we were leaving! It was very bittersweet! This placed changed the trajectory of our lives and we wanted them to think it was as huge as we did! And where was my lei!?!?! I feel like I should have gotten a lei. We will write her a very heartfelt note and send it to her since we barely got to say thank you.

Welp! moving on. We told A’s parents about the baby on Christmas day which was fun. I was hemming and hawing about it because she had said a couple of annoying things during the trip – things like “HER grandkids will never [fill in the blank]” I can’t stand that crap. I wasn’t sure I wanted the unsolicited advice just yet. Oh well we went for it anyway. We are due on their anniversary so A told them that we had a Christmas present for them, but that it would arrive for their anniversary. They were so confused. But then A’s mom started counting on her fingers and looked up and said softly, “A baby?” and then I started crying and then she started crying and then A started crying. It was awesome.

I still feel really good- just have trouble having an appetite in the evenings. My boobs aren’t growing- COME ON! This 32b gal would love a little help in that department, but I know it will come later. I am happy not to get the “good” if it means I am also not getting the bad. I stopped the PIO shots and am enjoying being pain free in my sides. I had developed some painful knots but they are going away now. I am doing Crinone suppositories nightly until I am 10 weeks. The Crinone isn’t bad at all. I mean I woke up to it drizzling out of me last night like how it was when I was a young teen before I knew you could wear tampons at night during your period. But hopefully that will be short-lived.

Now that we are preggers, I think the Hawaiian adventure will be coming to an end soon. Having a beach baby would be so awesome, but not if I am all alone. I miss my friends and family and the city of Seattle so much. I freaking hate that rain, but man- we are homesick. A baby just makes that longing even stronger.

Anyway, I will attach some pics for your viewing pleasure. I also feel like it is time to introduce myself. a little.

Hi, I’m Kimberly.

…and I am officially a “recovering” infertile. 🙂

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If this doesn’t go away soon, I just might kill myself.

 

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“Happy New Year I guess”

 

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A and me. We are imitating how Japanese tourists do their photos.