And we have a heartbeat

I wanted to give you a quick update as my in-laws are here and we are busy! It’s fun.

Ok. So we had our ultrasound today and we saw the heartbeat!! We didn’t hear it as it was just a bit too early, but the baby is looking good!

I am so glad that we saw it because without symptoms I was starting to really convince myself nothing was happening in there. When they first had the wand up in there, my uterus looked completely empty. My nurse was watching the tech and was holding her breath. She let out this huge sigh when the tech found the baby. It was tense for a second. Anyway, that was the only drama. We are still sorta navigating through our emotions. A was like “when will this feel real? Or will the baby come and we will just be like ‘hmm, ohh. baby. Baby is here.'” (As he moved like a robot)”

When they weighed me, I only weighed 114. This is weird as I had a HUGE plate of beans and rice and cheese and enchiladas for dinner last night. I think it’s because I have cut out drinking coffee. (Which usually has equal parts coffee and half and half not gonna lie) A is repulsed by the amount of creamer I use, but is there anything better than a fresh cup of coffee with a shit ton of cream? No.

My mother-in-law is probably on to me as we are coffee buddies, so me saying no to coffee is a dead giveaway. I just said that during IVF I have to cut all that out. but I am sure she knows. We are debating telling them next week. We will probably tell them on Christmas. I will be exactly 7 weeks. Kinda too early to me, but telling THEM wont change anything and they will be wonderfully supportive no matter what the outcome.

Anyway, there you have it!

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5 weeks 6 days i guess

I don’t have much to report but I didn’t want you to think anything was wrong. According to pee pee sticks from 2 weeks ago, I am pregnant. I still haven’t had a single symptom…. I was moody and wanted to kill A today, but that’s because he is worthless.

I spotted for about 3 days after my last post. It was just a bit off and on and then it stopped.

today makes 5 weeks 5 days to be exact, but when you all read this, I will be 5 weeks, 6 days.

Hmm, what else. I work retail at Christmas time. F.M.L

My in-laws are coming tomorrow for 12 days. They are staying across the street. (thank you baby Jesus! It’s a Christmas miracle!)

1st Ultrasound on Thursday. Excited and nervous. Once we know how everything is going with that, we will start thinking about telling immediate family. like the moms.

hoping for some darn symptoms already! just the nice ones like ninja sense of smell. I can’t wait for that bump. I still don’t think it will ever appear. I am just convinced.

I think I’m peeing more than normal. And maybe today I had this little sense of nausea hovering over me. But like tiny. And it didn’t stop me from eating a big ole’ slice of cheese from Costco like a boss. But that nausea could have been just because I am anticipating my mother-in-law being in town for almost 2 weeks.

I kid!

Do I?

Anywho.
-K

beta number 3 and stuff

Beta number 3 was good. I more than doubled since #2, but not by a whole lot.  Here is the breakdown:

#1- 49 (8dp5dt)

#2- 116 (10dp5dt)

#3- 252 (12dp5dt)

Progesterone level is good.

I, HOWEVER AM KIND OF A MESS.

it’s only been 3 days since my last beta and I am already feeling uneasy.  Without the reassurance of doing those, I feel really lost.  It didn’t help that I started spotting a little bit on Sunday and have had a few instances of that in the days since. I hate it and want it to stop. I googled it for a bit, but everyone talked about m/c.  I can’t go there and I don’t want to read about it.  I know that it is normal, but I panicked a little bit.  A is not concerned at all. I do have cramps every now and then and some are stronger than others and all of that just freaks me out. so please tell me that this is all very normal!!!!!!!

I will be 5 weeks tomorrow. This last week CRAWLED.  I have absolutely no symptoms except for one.

Preggo brain.  OMG I am such an idiot.  I don’t have a lot of strengths, but one of my strengths is that I am sharp.  I have mild OCD.  I am very organized, pay attention to detail, etc….

Some examples of my preggo brain include:

  • I could not remember if I conditioned my hair in the shower. I just could not.
  • Made very bad change at the store I work at and had to have this chola looking girl call me out about it.
  • Did a load of laundry and forgot the soap.
  • I forgot my wallet and Nordstrom card for the NORDSTROM CARD 10 Points Holiday Shopping party- that is as dumb as it gets.  Also free bottomless champagne at this event, my favorite.  I will say that I was having a rough night emotionally.
  • Had a homeless man yell “lights!” at me from the street because i didn’t remember to turn them on in the pitch black when I was driving.  a homeless man.
  • Forgetting to warm up my pio oil before I draw it up like I have been doing every morning for 3 weeks.
  • Was convinced I didn’t LOCK the store where I work last night.  Jumped into the car in a hot, sweaty panic.  (made A come with me)  I had locked it. Also, forgot my wallet on the way there.  A just stared at me in disbelief.

I CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

Anyway, that’s the latest!

beta numero dos

Today’s beta at 10dp5dt was 116 so we more than doubled. woot!

I forgot to tell you one of the best parts from the other day.  I went to target to buy all the pregnancy tests.  This target is on the other side of the island and I also have not attempted to make any friends here, so I like knowing that I will not run into anyone I know in this place while buying home pregnancy tests.  Right away, I went to the “women’s health” aisle.  There were so many options!  do I pick the target brand for barely a dollar less than the First response?  what about the one that is compared to the e.p.t test? digital…or old fashioned?  As I was looking, I was alarmed at the amount of women who were so nonchalantly walking right up to where I was and picking up tests.  I mean, I was there for a few minutes and like 4 women came.  I was just thinking, “This was really easy for you wasn’t it?  just another pregnancy. whoops! not sure- better take this test.”  crazy. I was researching it like it was my capstone paper for college and they were just tossing it in their cart and walking away as if they were tampons or scotch tape or a packet of taco seasoning.    Talk about different perspectives.

Anyway, guess who I ran into after I had filled my cart with those babies!?

My boss!

Luuuuckily…. I spotted her before she spotted me and I was all “ABORT!” (not literally, OMG) and was able to retreat into another aisle to re-adjust my cart. I was able to push the hpt’s to the back and cover them with other items but I was still a little nervous.  We chatted away and she was none the wiser!  secrets are fun.

But seriously of all people- my BOSSSSSS?????

Anyway, when my nurse called me at home today to give me my second beta numbers, she also mentioned that if the third  beta looks good and things are progressing well by Saturday, that I can stop the PIO and move to crinone instead.  So this is where you guys come in.  What should I do?  I mean, I don’t LOVE getting the shots every morning, but is it better than 2x a day and ‘puddin’ pants?’  I mean I live in Hawaii and will be in dresses and bathing suits.  Is this stuff really going to drip down my leg?  Is this going to be the making of  things I used to read about in YM magazine?

“Dear YM,  one day I was at the beach and this really hot guy walking by me on the sand.  He started talking to me and we like, chatted for a while- did I mention he was SO HOT- and then he asked me if there was a jellyfish stuck to my leg and when I looked down, OH MY GOD, my crinone gel suppository was dripping all down my leg!  I almost died of embarrassment right then and there! He literally ran away from me yelling that I was repulsive and I never saw him again!”

Those with experience with the crinone- what do you think?  I am almost thinking I should just keep going with the shots- but getting up early every morning to do that does sorta suck for us… and also because… needles.

holler at me! I would love your input!

Happy Friday!

-k

There is a God

You know why!? because CINNABON makes rolls now that are just the ooey gooey middle of the  roll!!!!!  none of the dry outer layer!  BOOYAH!

Oh, but also…. because after almost 3.75 years of NO after NO after NO, I saw two lines. I saw “YES.”

I’m pregnant.

Here is the story.

I woke up yesterday (8dp5dt) and I had had enough of the waiting and wondering. I get up to do my PIO shots every morning at 6:40, so I snuck into the bathroom and as quietly as I could, I opened the packaging of the HPT. I was so nervous, and even as I started peeing and was holding the stick to my pee pee stream, I almost bailed.

“Don’t be a wuss,” I told myself.

I put the test on the counter and then I started to freak out. My heart was racing as I peeked over at it about 10 seconds after I had set it down.

“Whaaa?”

I saw a faint line appear right away.

” NO. what!?!? omg, omg, omg, omg, omg, omg, omg….”

I can’t explain the shock of seeing two lines after all these years. It is quite amazing. My first ever BFP.

I picked it up to look at it and study it closer, but I could barely hold it I was shaking so hard. It was INSANE!

A was stirring, and when I opened our door, he turned over and looked at me. I was smiling like an idiot Cheshire cat. I couldn’t say anything. I had no words. He knew right away.

‘morning babe. What’s up? wait- did you take a test?!?!?!?” All I could do was smile and he knew.

And then he fist pumped as he said “YES!”

You know- I thought that we would MELT into eachother’s arms in a pile of snotty, ugly sobbing, but we were both in shock.

“Eh?!” would about sum it up.

We still are in shock. I am more accepting, but A is having a really hard time believing it and being excited. Which honestly, is a little annoying, but also understandable. Were your partners like that? I am trying not to let it bother me.

We are obviously very cautiously optimistic. But at the same time knowing fervently that this child is starting from perfection, not developing towards it. It is a perfect little child NOW and I refuse to see it as a weak, susceptible being. It is strong and hardy.

After my transfer, I told the embie that we had a really amazing family and friends Aaaaand bonus: some waterfront property on both sides of the family and that it would probably really want to stick around. Also, a mother-in-law with a shopping problem.

Clearly it worked.

little Opportunist.

So I popped into my clinic yesterday because I was short on needles for my progesterone in oil. I told my nurse that we had seen a positive HPT and she was so excited, which was really sweet and reassuring. I was scheduled to have my beta today, but she said since I was there, I should just do it then.

My 8dp5dt beta was 49. I was worried that that seemed really low but she said it was just fine for 8dp5dt, so I am trusting her.

I really have no symptoms. Just a little bit of cramping here and there. I have been tossing and turning at night, feeling hot, and waking up every morning around 5:30 and having trouble going back to sleep. But that could just be my mind swarming with all of this. But that’s it. So basically- nothing. I would like to have some more action so this felt more real. Then again, I also intended years ago that I would have no symptoms as a reward for my suffering, so I shouldn’t really be mad if I am getting what I wanted!

Below are the pics of my HPT’s. The first is my first ever BFP and then the rest are…well the rest.  It’s so fun!  I want to see it everytime I pee! ha!

So there you have it!

Thank you for all your prayers and support during transfer week and always.  You’re the best.

xoxo

-K

First BFP! ( morning of 8dp5dt)  Unbelievable.

First BFP! ( morning of 8dp5dt) Unbelievable.

Can't.  stop. peeing. on. sticks.

Can’t. stop. peeing. on. sticks.